I feel like a fifteen years old teenager. I have been eating pizza every night, watching tons of movies, constantly consuming sweet food and whining like a heartbroken idiot. How is it that I always decide that I’m going to be smart and not let my heart play with my brain, yet I always sabotage my own plan.
We humans are so guarded. We want to tell somebody that we miss them but we can’t, actually we decide not to. I always feel that I try too hard for no good reason. I chase after people who make me feel rejected, I am quite self destructive in that way, but I have decided that I need to break the pattern. I need to consciously make an effort to not be attracted to people or situations that will result in me getting hurt. I want to take responsibility for my choices and decisions. How can I blame someone for hurting me when it was me who chose that person? We subconsciously make so many choices that we aren’t aware of, but if we make a conscious effort to change a cycle that has been going on, it will eventually turn into something positive.
I’m focusing solely on myself right now. Before I even think about being with someone else, I need to first improve myself. I’m not going to eliminate my flaws or anything (since I’m a complete admirer of flaws), although, I am going to make an effort to take decisions that will hurt me less. It will be a slow process, but it’s time I improve myself in this area of my life. How can I expect to find true people if I keep running behind people who don’t want to like the real me.
And so I continue with my process of growth and don’t worry, life is beautiful, never going to let the world make me bitter. 😀
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